Fix it all

We’ve been busy.  Ronin (2 years) needed TPLO surgery.  I was fortunate enough to get him into a clinical trial at LSU which helped some with the costs.  TPLO is a repair for the CCL (the equivalent to the ACL).  We have been leash walking him since 3 weeks before the surgery, and we have at least 7 weeks to go. Instead of repairing the tendon, they cut the tibia and change the angles of the knee, plates and screws included.  He had the procedure September 13, and is doing very well.  He’s using that leg when he walks, squatting he does sometimes, but other times he tucks it under.  He’s starting to feel pretty good and we’re finding we have to crate him more and more because he’s starting to return to his wild man ways, it’s going to be a long remainder to rehab…  His first few days home were pretty rough for everyone involved.   He had solid restrooms, but there was some fresh blood.  Because of this they asked that we not give him the Rimadyl (it can upset the tummy).  He was only taking Tramadol, which from what I’ve read after the fact doesn’t do a whole lot for the pain.  The first night home, he was anxious and trembling and it just got worse.  I gave up by Saturday afternoon and added in the Rimadyl.  The stools cleared up and I’m guessing it was stressed (he doesn’t like to be away from us or his brother) and the pain was reduced in less than 2 hours. Thursday he goes in for his 2 week check, stitches out and rehab appointment.  He’s such a big boy we’re spending the extra money for the rehab to help us all out in the long run.  Thank goodness we have insurance.  

Kali has been adopted by a wonderful man.  We’re still working on the poor girl’s nose issue.  She has an appointment with LSU today and hopefully they can figure it out.  She is the sweetest and it breaks my heart she’s had to deal with this issue this long.  I’m still leaning towards fungal by going to LSU, we cut out the middle man since any of the local vets will send us to LSU anyway.  

On the infertility front, I just started a new cycle after 60 days.  I would have started the 2nd trimester this week, or our child would have been nearing 2 months.  I’m dreading November and December at this point.  Way too many reminders.  Unfortunately I have to pick myself up and live my life.  I’m hoping we can get away for the weekend at least once, I need to sit on a beach or in the woods or something and just reflect, I need to be able to let go.  There are days I just want to curl up and cry other days I just want to be done.  I’m just tired.  Tired of failing, tired of being broken, tired of it all.  I have been getting back to running.  It feels nice to be back out there.  Ryker appreciates it too.  Ronin however does not like to be left behind.  Did I mention he’s spoiled?  That’s enough randomness for today.  I hope you have a great week.

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Heart Eclipse

We’ve been busy.  Still don’t have any answers, we go in Friday for that appointment.  We have taken in a foster pup.  She is sweet and was at one time loved.  She also has some trust issues.  She was underweight and had been bred a few times, she also had a respiratory and skin infection.  Since last Wednesday she’s had nose bleeds.  She spent the weekend at the vet and Friday a biopsy was taken of her nostril (it’s only one that is giving us problems) to check for fungal infection.  She takes this all in stride with grace.  We pick her up tonight and hopefully will get some results by Friday (the sooner the better).  She’s up through adoption through The Pit Stop Rescue.  Donations to her care can be made on the website (Pit Stop Donations).  Her sponser is already looking at 1K between her and her partner (brother? Father?…).  Thankfully she was heart worm negative, unfortunately he was not.   I know she’s ready to come home, unfortunately she’ll have to be crated until we can get her started on some medications and get her nasal bleeds under control.  She’ll be taking doggie xanex to keep her calm and will still be on a plethora of antibiotics and herbs to help her through the other issues she had.  I’m hopeful that this will also help her get well enough that her body can start fighting the fungal (if that is what it is) infection.  She is such a sweet girl and she deserves the best life.   

Kali in the mud

Today is also the eclipse.  I’m trying to keep my mind off of what today is, what we were supposed to be doing.  We should have our baby, we should be at dad’s visiting the family and showing off our offspring and watching totality.  But no I had a miscarriage. Instead we’re still in limbo, we’re still waiting, we’re still broken.  To me it’s bittersweet.  Hopefully we’ll learn something Friday.  Hopefully April 8, 2024 (the next total eclipse in the US) we’ll be able to take our baby(ies) somewhere to see.  Today I’m working, tonight I get puppy snuggles from not just my 2 boys but a thankful rescue and my friends dog B.  

But I want to sit on your lap!
I’ll take that treat now, please.

Have a great day everyone.  Don’t blind yourself!

Calendar Day 1

So today I start the estrogens, aka the hard stuff.  I say that relatively since this is not a retrieval but an FET.  I’m ready to get this party started and live in a dream world for the rest of my life.  Every moment I was pregnant for the entire 7 weeks, it was a dream, the happiest dream I’ve had.  Nausea?  I was grinning ear to ear.  Exhausted?  Loving every minute of it.  Going potty every 35 minutes?  Never been more happy.  I will enjoy every moment this time around even though I know until we see a heartbeat I’ll be guarded.  I know this will work, this is what was written in the stars for us.  We gain new friends (family) and get to raise our babies side by side.  Until then I’ll take my estrace and inject my rump with estradiol valerate.  Bonus, I have an actual office now so no running to the restroom to “shoot up”. It always kind of grossed me out having to do that. I mean, its a bathroom and I’m sticking a needle in my muscles, not talking one of those dinky needles you use for sub-Q, but a one that would give someone with a needle phobia a heart attack.  They use a smaller gauge to get blood from me.  Thank goodness no one in my house has a needle phobia.  Like everything, there will be rough roads but we are ready for those.  We just need to get over the transfer and first trimester hump.  

I had to stay behind because I have to take off too many days in the coming month, but my husband is headed to MO to check in with the family.  They didn’t need the wild boys there anyway, they can be a little overwhelming on occasionally.  I’ll just clean up the house and start figuring out the food plan for the first trimester.  Anything to help out the husband (and me) and keep us from eating out since I have the gluten thing going on.  I’ll need to pick up some containers for soups so that I can freeze them for lunch.  I may even get the wild hair and make my chicken noodle soup now.  I found a recipe to make the “family recipe” egg noodles paleo, which is freaking amazing!!!!  Talk about healthy and still a comfort food!!!  I think it’s supposed to rain most of the weekend so I’ll just have to suck it up and mop anyway.  At least I can keep the small one entertained by the tv.  He likes the pet collective channel.  ​Nothing else I can take them both on a walk in between the downpours.  

Ronin relaxing in front of a live oak.  

Let’s get this party started!

I’m ready to get this show on the road. I began Leupron injections Monday.  I had my scratch test on Tuesday.  I don’t know if my uterus is extra sensitive or what the deal is, but it does not like this test.  I take Tylenol before I go in and it doesn’t put a dent in the pain.  Because I cramp up so bad after and it lingers for the day I took the rest of the day off.  I was able to play with the twins.  It’s crazy to think they’re 3 months, and that next year I’ll be holding my own.  💕I received my APA, NK and MTHFR results and all are negative!  That is some of the best news we’ve received in this entire process.  It was getting a little hairy for a bit waiting on the NK results.  They were supposed to be in before the APA panel, but they ended up coming in at the same time as the MTHFR results (twice the amount of time the website states).  With endo, I was most likely to come back with the NK cells activated.  So it’s official that I have done all I could do to not be the problem.  My last birth control was Wednesday and I know my body was ready for that.  Mentally I’m ready to move forward.  I didn’t figure it would take long for period day 1, and I was right. She’s here only 1.5 days after stopping the pill.  Now for my official calendar.   July 29th I’ll start the estrogens with 2 u/s and blood work before the transfer July 17th.  That lines up my official blood test for July 27th, which was my due date for my miscarriage.  I feel so good about this, so many good things are happening, so much love to give.  My friend who has donated these babies to us had her transfer exactly 11 months prior.  I call her schedule the “good luck schedule” and I’m following in her footsteps.  

From the IVF Emoji app. Where was this when we started this process?!

In other news.  We had a mild tropical storm come through, unfortunately I know farther east it had much more rain then we had and I hate that for them, but we didn’t need it.  I had some panicked friends who flooded in August and I don’t blame them with drainage being blocked still due to overwhelmed public services as well as difficulty getting to some of the blockages, and just regular PTSD when the heavy rains come down.  I understand.  No matter how much logic you tell yourself if you’ve been through something like that it wears on you and can give you fears.  My older dog (Ryker) has not been acting near as nutty, well at least not until this past Sunday.  I was at the neighbor’s with him and a storm brewed up pretty quickly and it was a noisy one.  By the end of it, he was on my lap with his head buried.  His brother always tries to make him feel better which usually ends up making it worse, thankfully he was distracted by my neighbors’ dog.  They have a tree over their house so I’m not sure if that is why he was acting like a nut or if he’ll be a chicken for life (understood, we did have a tree crash through our house during a storm).  But they are so sweet!