How do you pick up the pieces? In my life I’ve found that it is easiest to do this one piece at a time, start with the obvious placements and work your way to the much more difficult ones to put back in place. I’m still working on this one and know I cannot glue one of the largest pieces back until after the WTF appointment the 25th. I went ahead and put our names back on the donor embryo list for matching. Almost immediately we received a potential embryo, last time it took nearly 3 months to even get our first donor profile and before we received another my friend donated hers to us. I was shocked. This embryo will also be discussed at the WTF appointment since we received minimal information with this profile. At this point we’re not sure when we’d move forward, but we will eventually. I am sure that it is a lining issue and that we will need to be above 7.5 for a transfer. I really didn’t do anything different between the miscarriage transfer and this transfer, so I’m not sure. I do believe that the regulation between July 2016 and my transfer in November 2016 was a huge player. That question will be brought up for sure. I let these embryos down, I should have fought harder. Honestly until the 2nd appointment all was great so I don’t know what happened and why the lining stopped growing. Right now I just wait for auntflow to show up and my appointment at the end of the month.
For now I just put myself back together. I’m working on my endometriosis and trying to get it more under control. I am back on the pycnogenol and am working on getting some semblance of a running schedule together. We will be running the local infertilty run in November called Baby Steps. Our team is “Are you sure you’re doing it right?” We came up with that because we are so vocal about our problems and with educating others on what they need to know. I’m still dumbfounded by people who do not realize what their body does month to month. I’m even more so when someone has to go through IVF or any other fertility treatment and they still have no clue. Ignorance is not always bliss and could have saved someone years of heartache if they just knew how to do something as simple as charting. For many people it isn’t so easy. Maybe it’s just the scientist in me but I want to know what is going on and why. I want to know why the doctor is prescribing this for this time of the month and I’m only taking this other drug some other days. I want to know what I’m looking at on the screen when the tech is looking at my ovaries and lining. I want to know what that number means, 7.2, 7.8… What does that mean for me? Is my lining trilaminear? I’m ready to be through all of this needing to know. I’m ready to be holding a child that is so dear to us that our love could start a fire. I’m ready for the long nights and the grumpy days, the ‘Watch what I learned!” And the questions. All of the questions. Without questions you get no answers. Without pain you don’t get strength. I hope our child(ren) do not know all the pain we learned through, my hope is that they scrape through learning that maybe that branch wasn’t the one to climb, or that step should have been 2 inches to the left on a trail run. I know we cannot protect them, but we can guide them and to us that is worth every pain we have been through. We can teach them how to get through it and how to be good humans.